You opened your laptop for just a quick email check. Fast forward an hour and you’re knee deep in someone else’s fire. Or maybe you agreed to that “quick coffee chat” that turned into another obligation on your already heaving calendar. It happens in quiet, polite yeses. One after another.
And before you know it, your time, your energy, and most importantly, your attention, are being traded away like trinkets at the reject shop.
But here’s the truth, one I’ve learned the hard way and now coach with conviction: attention is your most valuable currency. Guard it like a hawk, because as James Clear wisely put it, “What you trade your attention for is what your life becomes.”
Attention Theft Is Real and It’s Personal
Let’s call it out. You don’t lose your time in one dramatic swoop. You lose it in micro-moments: someone else’s deadline, another unplanned Zoom, a task you could’ve delegated but didn’t because… well, it was just quicker to do it yourself.
I used to think high performance was about saying “yes” to more. More meetings. More visibility. More grind. That’s the corporate narrative, right? But no one tells you how slowly that steals your spark. For me, the breaking point came when I found myself juggling motherhood, senior leadership, and the sneaky suspicion that I had no idea who I was anymore.
In hindsight, I wasn’t overwhelmed because I was incapable. I was overwhelmed because I’d given my attention away too freely.
The Lie of the Likeable Woman
Here’s a tough truth: being agreeable is often rewarded until it becomes your identity.
If you’ve ever hesitated to decline a request because you didn’t want to seem “difficult” or “selfish,” welcome to the club. Especially in male dominated industries, the pressure to be likeable can be immense. You’re conditioned to say yes, because saying no feels like rejection. Not of the task, but of the person. Of the system.
But let me offer you this: protecting your attention is not a rejection of others. It’s a deep, radical acceptance of yourself.
And in my own journey through motherhood, divorce, burnout, and eventually coaching, I discovered that boundaries weren’t walls. They were invitations to live intentionally.
The Myth of Multitasking and the Case for Single Focus
You are not a browser tab. You are not meant to have 17 things running at once.
High performers, as defined by the High Performance Institute and backed by decades of data, are not those who hustle harder. They are those who are present. They protect clarity like it’s oxygen. They say no, not because they don’t care, but because they care deeply, about the right things.
When your attention is fragmented, your performance is fragmented. Your energy gets leaky. Your joy goes missing.
So if you feel stuck or unfulfilled, don’t rush to reinvent your life. First, look at where your attention is leaking.
Courage is Quiet. Boundaries Are Bold.
Saying no doesn’t always feel brave. It often feels uncomfortable, awkward, even guilt-ridden. But make no mistake: it is courage in action.
I remember the first time I declined a leadership role at work that I knew would stretch me too thin. I was terrified it would look like I wasn’t ambitious. But I was choosing aligned over acclaimed. That decision gave me the breathing room to start my coaching journey. And that changed everything.
Courage, in my experience, is less about grand gestures and more about the micro-moments where you stand up for your future self. Even when it’s inconvenient.
The Thousand Invisible Trades You Make Every Day
Let’s go back to that quote: “What you trade your attention for is what your life becomes.”
Imagine your attention as a set of coins. Every time you say yes, without thought, you drop a coin in someone else’s jar. Do that a hundred times, and suddenly your own jar is rattling empty.
Now ask yourself:
- Are you spending your best hours on your highest priorities?
- Do your daily actions reflect the life you want to build?
- Or are you letting your schedule be written by everyone but you?
If that stings a little, you’re not alone. I’ve coached dozens of women through this very reckoning. And the turning point always starts here: becoming deliberate with where your attention goes.
From Overcommitted to On Purpose
Attention management isn’t about rigid time blocking or apps that buzz when you breathe wrong. It’s about alignment. It’s about clarity.
In the High Performance Coaching framework, Seek Clarity and Demonstrate Courage are habits for a reason. You cannot grow what you can’t define, and you won’t protect what you don’t value.
Here’s a little reframe I offer clients: Instead of “Do I have time for this?” ask, “Is this aligned with my priorities or stealing energy from them?”
It’s not selfish. It’s strategic. It’s not cold. It’s conscious.
A Simple Challenge: Try a ‘Not-To-Do’ List
You’ve heard of a to-do list. But have you ever tried a not-to-do list?
Make a list of things you’ll no longer trade your attention for. Here are a few of mine from when I started this process:
- Saying yes just to avoid discomfort
- Checking emails before 10am
- Attending meetings without a clear agenda
- Apologising for prioritising rest
- Consuming content that sparks comparison, not inspiration
This tiny act can start a big shift. Because when you’re clear on what you won’t entertain, you create space for what you do want.
Your Future Starts With What You Notice
You don’t need a 5-year plan today. You don’t need to quit your job or overhaul your calendar.
Start smaller. Start sooner.
Start by paying attention to where your attention goes. Because that’s the truest map to your future.
And if you ever need a reminder, let it be this: Your SPARK doesn’t get ignited by doing more. It gets ignited when you choose with intention.
Remember, you can unleash your unique version of success.
Your Coach
Stephanie
Ready to Ignite Your SPARK?
As a Certified High Performance, Wayfinder and Imposter Syndrome Informed Coach, I’m here to support you on this transformative journey. Whether it’s in your career, health, or relationships, my coaching programs are designed to help you achieve heightened and sustained levels of performance and potential. Are you ready to embrace these inner shifts then let’s embark on this journey together!
Whenever you’re ready, here are a few ways I can support you:
Join our IYS Community – to connect with like-minded individuals focused on increasing their ENGAGEMENT, CONFIDENCE & JOY in work (and life)
Access your FREE Online Training – and learn how you can immediately hit higher levels of performance and potential in all you do!
Take the High Performance Questionnaire – to understand if you’re ready to go to the next level and live a life full of engagement, joy and confidence…
Book a Chat – so we can breakthrough what you’re currently challenged with and take the next action towards living the life of your dreams!