There was a time I spent too much energy ‘performing’ for other people. Not living, performing. From the outside? Picture-perfect. Climbing the corporate ladder, managing global teams, holding it all together. On the inside? Quietly asking myself, “Is this it?”
So let me ask you—when was the last time you did something purely because it lit you up, not because you hoped someone else would clap for it?
This is your invitation to break up with the exhausting game of “compare and despair.” If you’ve ever felt like you’re hustling for your worth, let’s shift the lens—from how others see you to how you see yourself. That shift is where the spark catches.
The Thief of Joy: The Comparison Trap
Let’s not sugarcoat it—comparison to others is one of the fastest ways to dim your light. It whispers:
- “She’s already doing that—who do I think I am?”
- “I should be further along by now.”
- “If I don’t post about it, does it even count?”
I’ve coached countless high-performing women who quietly carry these questions. And here’s the thing: the rules they’re playing by? Often inherited from other people’s expectations, not their own.
Dr. Valerie Young’s research reminds us that imposter feelings don’t come from a lack of competence—but from the belief that we’re being judged through a distorted lens. Especially if you’ve spent years being the “only” in the room—only woman, only woman of colour, only one who talks or thinks “differently.” Sound familiar?
Social Media Skews Reality
Let’s get real: Instagram is not real life.
That curated photo of the retreat in Bali? Might’ve been paid for with a credit card and laced with anxiety. The “six-figure announcement” might have come after three failed projects. And I say that with zero judgment—because many of us have been there.
The danger lies in forgetting that social media is a highlight reel, not a holistic view. When we shape our identity around how many hearts we get on a post, we start performing for others instead of showing up for ourselves. And that’s where the disconnection sets in.
The Alternative: Judging Yourself Against Your “Yesterday Self”
Here’s a better benchmark: compare yourself today with who you were yesterday.
Did you pause before reacting in that tough meeting? Did you take 10 minutes for yourself without guilt? Did you speak your truth even though your voice shook?
That, my friend, is progress.
High Performance living isn’t about being the best—it’s about being better than you were. High performance means succeeding consistently beyond standard norms while maintaining well-being and relationships.
It’s not flashy. It’s not loud. But it’s deeply fulfilling.
Shifting the Subject of Comparison: A Practical Framework
Here’s a 4-step self-check I use with clients (and myself, regularly):
- Spot the trigger – When do you fall into comparison? Social media? Annual reviews? A certain colleague’s updates?
- Name the story – What are you telling yourself in that moment? “She’s better.” “I’m behind.”
- Flip the focus – Ask: “What did I do today that yesterday-me couldn’t or wouldn’t have?”
- Celebrate the shift – Even a 1% improvement is worth noticing.
Progress is like compound interest: small consistent deposits add up.
But What About Visibility?
You might be thinking, “Stephanie, I want to be seen. Isn’t visibility important?”
Absolutely. But it has to come from alignment, not a ‘performance’.
You don’t have to package yourself for approval. You can stand in your truth and let that be what people see—because clarity about who you are leads to confidence about how you show up.
“Change starts with dissolving who you were taught to be, so you can uncover who you’ve always been.” ~Martha Beck
There was a night I sat in my daughter’s nursery—exhausted, successful on paper, and silently falling apart. I held sleeping pills in one hand and water in the other. That was my turning point.
What saved me wasn’t a promotion, or validation, or applause. It was deciding—quietly, fiercely—that I would no longer measure myself by other people’s metrics. I began doing the deep inner work, one breath at a time, one decision at a time. And years later, I coach women who are ready for the same shift.
Why This Matters
If you keep measuring your worth by what others might think, you’ll never feel enough.
But if you learn to appreciate your evolution—even when it’s quiet, even when it’s messy—you unlock the kind of confidence no title, trophy, or testimonial can give you.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
Whether it’s through Certified High Performance Coaching, the Wayfinder approach, or our Rethinking Impostor Syndrome™ workshops, I’m here to help you reconnect with that part of you that knows: “I was made for more than keeping up appearances.”
Just for today, stop looking sideways. Look inward. Look back—not to dwell, but to see how far you’ve come.
Then ask:
What did I do today that my yesterday-self would be proud of?
That question? That’s your new compass.
Remember, you can unleash your unique version of success.
And it starts by outshining your own shadow—not someone else’s spotlight.
Your Coach
Stephanie
Ready to Ignite Your SPARK?
As a Certified High Performance, Wayfinder and Imposter Syndrome Informed Coach, I’m here to support you on this transformative journey. Whether it’s in your career, health, or relationships, my coaching programs are designed to help you achieve heightened and sustained levels of performance and potential. Are you ready to embrace these inner shifts then let’s embark on this journey together!
Whenever you’re ready, here are a few ways I can support you:
Join our IYS Community – to connect with like-minded individuals focused on increasing their ENGAGEMENT, CONFIDENCE & JOY in work (and life)
Access your FREE Online Training – and learn how you can immediately hit higher levels of performance and potential in all you do!
Take the High Performance Questionnaire – to understand if you’re ready to go to the next level and live a life full of engagement, joy and confidence…
Book a Chat – so we can breakthrough what you’re currently challenged with and take the next action towards living the life of your dreams!