There’s a lot of noise out there about “finding your passion.” It’s painted as the ultimate solution to career dissatisfaction, self-doubt, and that nagging question, “Is this really it?” But let’s be honest. Passion can be both a blessing and a curse. It can light you up… or wear you down until there’s nothing left in the tank.
Psychologist Robert Vallerand has given us language for something I’ve seen in my clients and myself for years: that there are two kinds of passion. One helps you flourish. The other can quietly erode your wellbeing while you’re busy chasing “success.”
The question isn’t whether you have passion. The question is: Which kind is running the show?
Obsessive Passion: Think of this as the overzealous boss in your head who never takes a day off. Your work, your project, or your role isn’t just something you do, it becomes everything you are. Your worth is tied to your output, your results, your performance. Even when you’re not “on,” you’re mentally still working. Rest feels like guilt. Taking a break feels like you’re falling behind. You keep saying “just one more hour” until it becomes three… and then five.
OR
Harmonious Passion: This is passion with perspective. You still love what you do, but it doesn’t consume every corner of your identity. You chose it, it didn’t hijack you. It energises you instead of draining you. You step away to rest, not because you’ve “earned” it, but because you know it’s part of performing well over the long haul. It reflects your values and priorities rather than replacing them.
I’ve worked with incredible women in high-pressure environments who are, on paper, the picture of success. But behind the scenes? They’re exhausted, disconnected from themselves, and sometimes secretly questioning whether they even like the life they’ve built.
Many of them have plenty of passion. The problem is, it’s the obsessive kind. And obsessive passion often looks like dedication from the outside, which makes it dangerously easy to miss.
If you’ve ever thought, “I can’t stop because I’m so passionate about this,” it’s worth checking if that passion is actually keeping you healthy… or quietly eating away at your joy.
Years ago, I was climbing the corporate ladder in IT leadership. I loved the challenge. I thrived on results. I told myself I was “lucky” to have work I cared about. But I didn’t realise that my entire identity was being wrapped up in my role.
Then came the wake-up call, life-altering moments where I had to face the fact that being driven wasn’t the same as being fulfilled. I had been pouring all my energy into a pursuit that no longer aligned with who I wanted to be. But because it was “passion,” I justified the exhaustion. And I see that same pattern in so many high achievers today.
Harmonious passion doesn’t dilute ambition; it protects it. When you approach your work and life this way, you create room for recovery, creativity, and long-term success. You can sustain high performance because you’re not constantly running on fumes.
Think of it like training for a marathon instead of a sprint. Sprinters can give everything they’ve got in 100 metres but they can’t keep that pace indefinitely. Harmonious passion is the marathon mindset. It’s knowing when to push and when to pace yourself so you can still be running strong years down the track.
How to Shift from Obsessive to Harmonious Passion
If you’ve realised your passion has slipped into the obsessive zone, here are some practical ways to recalibrate.
1. Redefine Success on Your Terms
One of the core elements in my High Performance Coaching work is clarity. If your definition of success is tied to external approval, such as titles, numbers, or recognition, you’ll always be chasing. Harmonious passion grows when your metrics for success are connected to your values. Ask: What matters to me beyond achievement?
2. Protect Your Recovery Time
Your brain and body need space to reset. In my own life, blocking “non-negotiable” rest time was a lifesaver. Treat it like you would an important meeting. Harmonious passion thrives when rest is seen as fuel, not a reward.
3. Watch Your Self-Talk
Obsessive passion often rides on a soundtrack of “I should be doing more.” Challenge that. Replace “I’ll rest when I’m done” with “Rest is part of my performance plan.” Yes, it will feel strange at first. Do it anyway.
4. Keep Multiple Sources of Identity
You’re more than your work. Hobbies, relationships, health, learning, these aren’t distractions. They’re your safety net. When one area faces a setback, the others help you stay balanced.
Much of our beliefs shape our behaviour. If you believe your worth is tied to achievement, you’ll keep pushing, even when it’s costing you. Shifting from obsessive to harmonious passion means challenging those underlying beliefs.
Sometimes this means confronting deep-rooted stories about hard work, about proving yourself, about “deserving” success, that you’ve carried for years. This is where coaching becomes powerful. We create the space to rewrite those scripts so your passion works for you, not against you.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re “faking it” despite clear evidence of success, obsessive passion can make it worse. You over-prepare, over-work, and over-deliver to quiet the inner critic. The problem? It’s never enough. Harmonious passion, on the other hand, is grounded in self-trust. You know your value without needing to constantly prove it.
High performance isn’t about pushing harder; it’s about achieving sustained success while maintaining wellbeing and relationships. The six habits we work on i.e. clarity, energy, courage, productivity, influence, and necessity, are easier to maintain when your passion is harmonious.
It’s not about choosing between achievement and joy. It’s about structuring your life so you can have both, consistently.
Signs You’re Operating with Harmonious Passion
- You can step away from work without spiralling into guilt.
- Your sense of self-worth isn’t dependent on constant achievement.
- You’re energised by your pursuits rather than drained.
- You can adapt when circumstances change without feeling like you’ve lost your identity.
- You make time for relationships, health, and personal growth alongside your career.
Passion is powerful. But without perspective, it can become a cage. Harmonious passion is what allows you to perform at your best over the long haul without sacrificing your health, your relationships, or your joy.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “That sounds amazing, but I’m not sure how to get there,” you’re not alone. I’ve walked this road myself, from obsessive pursuit to a more balanced, fulfilling way of living, and I’ve helped others do the same.
It’s not about losing your drive. It’s about making sure your drive is taking you somewhere worth going.
Remember, you can unleash your unique version of success.
One that feels energising, sustainable, and deeply aligned with who you are. And when you do? That’s when passion truly becomes power.
Your Coach
Stephanie
Ready to Ignite Your SPARK?
As a Certified High Performance, Wayfinder and Imposter Syndrome Informed Coach, I’m here to support you on this transformative journey. Whether it’s in your career, health, or relationships, my coaching programs are designed to help you achieve heightened and sustained levels of performance and potential. Are you ready to embrace these inner shifts then let’s embark on this journey together!
Whenever you’re ready, here are a few ways I can support you:
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