Let me ask you something gently.
When someone says, “So, what do you do?”
How quickly does your job title leave your lips?
Director. Partner. Head of. VP. Senior Manager.
It rolls out smoothly. Practised. Polished. Powerful.
And if I’m honest, there was a time when mine did too.
For years, my title carried weight. It opened doors. It earned respect. It signalled competence before I even spoke. After 25 years in corporate leadership, culminating as Asia Pacific Regional Director of IT, I had the résumé to prove I belonged.
But here’s what I learned the hard way.
A title can describe what you do.
It should never define who you are.
When Achievement Becomes Identity
Many of the women I work with are brilliant. Educated. Experienced. Accomplished. They have climbed mountains. Sometimes literally.
And yet, behind closed doors, they whisper questions like:
“Why do I still feel like I have to prove myself?”
“Why does slowing down make me anxious?”
“If my role changed… would I feel lost?”
That’s not incompetence speaking.
That’s identity attachment.
Somewhere along the way, achievement stopped being something we did and started being who we were.
In male-dominated industries, especially, the pressure to perform can feel relentless. You are often “the only one” in the room. Or one of a few. The spotlight feels brighter. The margin for error feels thinner. According to the work of Valerie Young, this is fertile ground for impostor feelings. Not because you are incapable, but because unrealistic internal standards quietly take root.
You become the Expert.
The Superhuman.
The Perfectionist.
And without realising it, your worth becomes linked to output.
You confuse productivity with value.
You tell yourself, “I am valuable because I achieve.”
No wonder rest feels uncomfortable.
The AI Question No One Is Asking
Now layer in the future of work.
AI is reshaping industries. Roles are evolving. Expertise is being redefined. Titles that felt solid five years ago may look very different five years from now.
This is not a fear-based narrative. It is simply reality.
The question is not, “Will my job change?”
The deeper question is, “If it does, who am I?”
Money does not solve an identity crisis.
If your sense of self is fused to your role, any disruption can feel like the rug being pulled out from under you. And you and I both know, it’s hard to lead confidently when you feel like you’re walking on quicksand.
High Performance Is Not a Title
Through my coaching certification with the High Performance Institute, I learned something that shifted everything for me.
High Performance means succeeding beyond standard norms consistently over the long term while maintaining positive wellbeing and relationships.
Notice what is not in that definition.
Job title.
Status.
Income bracket.
High Performance living is about clarity, courage, energy, productivity and influence. These are internal capacities. They travel with you. They are not printed on your business card.
When my own identity began to shift, it did not happen overnight. It happened in the quiet moments. In the questions that would not go away. In the uncomfortable realisation that I had achieved everything I was “supposed” to achieve… and still felt something was missing.
It felt like standing on a mountaintop and thinking, “Is this it?”
That question was not a sign of failure.
It was an invitation.
Character Outlasts Competence
Let me try something with you.
If you could not use your title to introduce yourself, what would you say?
Take a breath.
Would you say:
“I am a woman who values integrity.”
“I am someone who leads with courage.”
“I care deeply about fairness and justice.”
“I create environments where others feel seen and heard.”
Now notice the difference in your body.
Competence is what you do well. Character is who you are.
Competence can be automated. Character cannot.
Neuroscience reminds us that beliefs shape behaviour. I have seen how deeply ingrained the belief “I am only as good as my last performance” can be. And the beautiful truth is this. Beliefs can be revised.
You can move from: “I am valuable because I achieve.”
To:
“I achieve because I am valuable.”
That subtle shift reduces the grip of impostor feelings. It softens perfectionism. It restores joy.
So… Who Are You?
This is not about abandoning ambition. Please hear me on that.
It is about anchoring your ambition in something deeper.
It is about knowing that, if your industry shifts, your title evolves, or your role expands or contracts, you remain grounded. You are not your job description.
You are the woman who:
• Shows up with integrity.
• Navigates complexity with wisdom.
• Builds influence through authenticity.
• Carries resilience shaped by lived experience.
And yes, sometimes you still question yourself. That does not disqualify you. It makes you human.
I often say to my clients, “You can unleash your unique version of success.” That version is not dictated by a corporate ladder. It is defined by alignment between who you are and how you lead.
So I will leave you with this.
If your title disappeared tomorrow, what would remain?
And more importantly… are you investing as much in that woman as you are in your next promotion?
That is where sustainable confidence lives. That is where High Performance becomes joyful. And that is where your real power begins.
Remember, you can unleash your unique version of success.
Your Coach
Stephanie