Have you ever had that weird moment when you look back at yourself just six months ago and think, Who was that woman? Maybe her voice was a little shakier. Her smile, a bit more practised. Her calendar, packed to the brim, yet she felt oddly… hollow?
I’ve been there. More than once.
The moment you commit to personal development, especially through coaching, growth isn’t optional. It’s part of the deal. And yes, it’s often beautiful. But let’s not sugarcoat it. Growth also means discomfort. Disruption. Dismantling structures that once made you feel safe. And sometimes… it means saying goodbye to parts of yourself (and your life) that no longer fit.
So why do so many of us get blindsided when that happens?
Let’s unpack this, because if you’re feeling the ache of expansion, you’re likely exactly where you’re meant to be.
Growth isn’t a Buzzword, it’s a Biological, Emotional & Spiritual Upgrade
One of the biggest illusions in the personal development space is that growth always feels empowering. Sure, the outcome of growth can be clarity, confidence and joy. But the process? That’s a whole other conversation.
Here’s the truth: growth often begins with discomfort.
In high performance coaching, we define high performance as succeeding beyond standard norms consistently over the long term, while maintaining your well-being and positive relationships. But what’s often overlooked is that your brain (and body) are wired for stability. When you start shifting into a new mindset, your nervous system can read it as a threat. Your ego flares up.
Cue the inner monologue:
“Who do you think you are?”
“Don’t rock the boat.”
“Is this even safe?”
Sound familiar?
This is your old self trying to hold on. But here’s the rub: the more you resist, the harder the process gets. The more you release, the more space you create for what does align with your current self.
I vividly remember the early days of my transformation journey. Sitting in that chair with sleeping pills in one hand, water in the other, depleted beyond words. I was successful by every external measure. But internally, I felt like I was crumbling. And looking back now, I realise it was the beginning of my metamorphosis. The slow, gut-wrenching unravelling of a version of me I’d outgrown.
When Your Structures No Longer Serve You
Let’s talk structure. And no, I’m not talking about your daily planner or the colour coded spreadsheet you’ve mastered. I’m referring to the deeper frameworks: your routines, your identity, your relationships, and your beliefs.
As you grow, you start noticing cracks in these structures. The job that once made you feel powerful now feels soul-sucking. The friend who once got you doesn’t anymore. Your coping strategies? Outdated.
You’ve outgrown the container.
And yet… letting go can feel terrifying. We cling to what’s familiar, even when it’s draining us, because at least it’s known. But here’s the invitation: When your identity begins to shift, your environment must evolve to support it.
If not, you risk burnout, frustration or the dreaded stuckness that so many executive women face. We try to squeeze our expanded selves into the old mould, and then wonder why we feel like we’re constantly hitting a wall.
Burnout, in many cases, isn’t about doing too much. It’s about doing too much of what no longer aligns with who you are becoming.
Your Lens Has Changed (Even If Your Life Hasn’t Yet)
Another sneaky part of growth? You don’t always see it right away.
That’s because change starts internally. What actually shifts first is your lens, the context through which you interpret your world. You start noticing things you didn’t before. People’s energy. Your own exhaustion. The misalignment in your workplace culture. That persistent voice whispering, “You’re meant for more.”
This is neuroplasticity at work. The beliefs you hold begin to shift as you expose yourself to new truths. (The Neuro Change Method™ explains this well: when your internal beliefs begin to clash with your external life, you start experiencing internal resistance, and that’s your growth edge.)
You might not have moved jobs yet. You might still be in that same leadership role. But your interpretation of your life has changed.
And that’s huge.
The Discipline to Let Go (Even When It’s Hard)
So how do we actually do the hard work of letting go?
Not by brute force. And not by pretending we’re not afraid.
Letting go starts with acknowledging what’s no longer aligned. That’s it. You don’t need to burn everything down overnight. But you do need to tell the truth about what feels heavy, exhausting, soul-sucking. That alone takes courage.
Martha Beck’s Wayfinder framework speaks to this beautifully. Real change starts in the “dissolution” phase, when you feel like everything is falling apart. That puddle-of-glop stage where you’re no longer who you were, but not yet who you’re becoming. (If you’ve ever wondered why transitions feel so emotionally raw… now you know.)
And yet, what comes next, after the grief, the surrender, the space, is always more aligned. Always.
I’ve coached many women through this very transition. High-powered, brilliant women who quietly confide, “I’m terrified to let go of this version of me. What if there’s nothing on the other side?”
To which I say: There’s everything on the other side. It’s just waiting for you to make room.
The Reframe that Changes Everything
Instead of seeing growth as this upward, linear trajectory, what if we viewed it more like a spiral? Where each loop upward requires a bit of release… a shedding of something old?
Dr. Valerie Young’s research on Impostor Syndrome sheds light here. Many high-achieving women resist letting go of outdated structures because they’ve been rewarded for perfectionism, overwork and self-sacrifice. Letting go can feel like slacking off, or worse, failure.
But that’s the impostor voice speaking.
The truth is: surrender is not the opposite of strength. It is strength.
And the more we normalise this idea in coaching conversations, in leadership circles, and in our own reflections, the more women can move through these growth edges with grace rather than guilt.
Journal Prompts to Make this Real
Let’s ground this in your own experience. Pull out a notebook, or just reflect on these quietly:
- What structures in my life (relationships, routines, roles) no longer serve who I’m becoming?
- What am I afraid to let go of, even though part of me knows it’s time?
- Where am I spending energy that leaves me drained instead of energised?
- What might become possible if I created space for what’s next?
These are the questions I ask myself too. Over and over. Because growth isn’t a one-and-done event. It’s a lifelong process.
Growth is a Constant Choice
You don’t have to blow up your life to grow. But you do need to pay attention.
Sometimes, growth looks like leaving a job. Sometimes, it looks like having an honest conversation. Sometimes, it looks like a quiet moment of surrender in your car before the next meeting.
Whatever it looks like for you, trust it.
Letting go will never feel convenient. But it will always be worth it.
So here’s to your growth, your courage, and your version of success.
Let go… to let in.
If this resonates, you may want to explore my Certified High Performance Coaching program, where we deep dive into clarity, energy, courage, productivity, influence and purpose, all while supporting your well-being through change. Or perhaps Wayfinder Coaching or Impostor Syndrome-Informed Coaching is calling you right now.
Whatever your path, I’m here.
Remember, you can unleash your unique version of success.
Your Coach
Stephanie
Ready to Ignite Your SPARK?
As a Certified High Performance, Wayfinder and Imposter Syndrome Informed Coach, I’m here to support you on this transformative journey. Whether it’s in your career, health, or relationships, my coaching programs are designed to help you achieve heightened and sustained levels of performance and potential. Are you ready to embrace these inner shifts then let’s embark on this journey together!
Whenever you’re ready, here are a few ways I can support you:
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